Broken
by Hiei's phoenix girl
Summary: Someone has lost all hope as they think of their life. Used, betrayed, and exploited, what could be left for this character? Try and guess who it is. It isn't that hard. PG-13 for content. Warning- Deathfic
1. Broken

Broken  
  
I'm not telling you who the narrator is in this story, so you'll have to try and figure it out yourself. Hopefully, you'll like it anyway. If you really want to know, request it in a review and I will send it to you under the conditions of swearing to secrecy. There is a giant hint somewhere in this fic though. It's a test of your knowledge of episode content...  
  
Keep your eyes open.  
  
Please try to enjoy.  
  
Standard disclaimers.  
  
Warning: death fic  
  
--  
  
Damned.  
  
That's what my life is...there's no hope for me now, nor was there ever.  
  
For a time I thought there might be...but that's all over now...  
  
I thought _they_ cared.  
  
I was wrong.  
  
I was slow to realize it... Little by little, they drifted _away_.  
  
I thought nothing of it...  
  
I'm such a _fool_...  
  
That day...that _horrible_ day... I wish I didn't go to them... I wish I could have just gone on..._blissfully_ ignorant of the truth...  
  
They were _using_ me... I was...am... nothing more than a tool to them...  
  
I _am_ nothing...  
  
Even after that...I thought another might bring me- dare I even _say_ it- happiness.  
  
But there are conditions there too...  
  
But I'm _desperate_...I meet them...surpass them...  
  
Just like a _good dog_ should...  
  
I will do anything to cling to that small hope..._anything_...  
  
Besides...it's okay to _always_ be last in mind... _right?_  
  
I don't think I will survive if I lose that flame...  
  
That spark...  
  
That wisp of smoke...  
  
Who am I kidding...? There's no hope for me...  
  
I can't see a future for me...It's too late...It always was...  
  
There's nothing left for me...  
  
I make my decision...there is only one thing I can trust.  
  
The bite of cold steel is my only friend...the only thing that won't betray me...use me...  
  
Maybe...just _maybe_...they'll miss me when I'm gone...  
  
--  
  
That's it.  
  
Can you guess the speaker?  
  
Review if you want. Or don't. I don't really care. Either way, I'm fine with the outcome.  
  
(GIANT HINT!!) 


	2. Mistake

Mistake 

Another chapter to reveal who it was in chapter one... Some of you were right...some weren't. But you all gave a good effort. Thank you for reviewing and inspiring me to make it into a story instead of a one shot.

By the way, the GIANT HINT from last chapter as to the identity of the speaker was the line at the end; "Review if you want. Or don't. I don't really care. Either way, I'm fine with the outcome." That is said by the speaker revealed in just a few seconds, during one of the episodes in the third season to Yusuke. Well...not the "Review if you want part"...

I just can't concentrate on my running fanfics...except for _Everyday Life? _that is... Read them if you are bored and like this one. To any of my loyal fans who are reading this, I will update soon. I've just got way too many questions running around in my brain.

Dedication: If you read this, you will know I am addressing you. Just remember how it used to be and how it is now... Maybe then you will know the reason I am writing this...

Disclaimers: If _Yu Yu Hakusho_ were mine, the show would revolve around Hiei. Since it doesn't... well, you know, it doesn't belong to me.

Warnings: VERY DARK SUBJECT MATTER!!!

--

They didn't even notice.

I guess they don't care...not even now.

It's been three days since I took my own life. Even the Reikai doesn't care anymore I see. I've seen neither hide nor hair of Botan or any of the other ferry girls.

I suppose I understand. I am nothing after all. Why would anyone notice nothing?

It's funny, where...what I am now. I can move around like I used to. But I fly and go through walls. Must have been how Yusuke felt all those years ago...

Everything is the same, but it all seems empty and pointless.

I am wandering aimlessly now. I have nowhere to go, even if I wanted to. I have discovered that wisp of smoke I once had, blew away long, long ago. I've visited _that_ one many times since my death, and he hasn't even thought about my absence.

Before I realize what I've done, I am _his _place. He's home, cooking, and it looks like he's setting up a party of some sort. The Detective and the Fool are there as well. They're living it up without me...as usual.

They're probably celebrating my disappearance.

I wonder...did they ever really think of me as anything other than the scapegoat in battle?

Most of me tells me they did not. But some small part of me still hopes that they will miss me...eventually.

Like I said before, I am a fool.

I decide to stay awhile and watch them. I have nothing better to do, so why not? I settle down on the windowsill and gaze outside.

Funny, I can still see my reflection. I wonder if they would see me if they looked in the window right now, or if I see it only out of habit.

I glance down at my wrists, so recently slashed with my trusty katana; my only real friend. Funny again, they look as they always have, no scars, no blood. Out of curiosity I reach for my katana, and find it still there, attached to my belt. I unsheathe it and look at the blade. It is clean and shiny, as if I had just cleaned it.

I guess _nothing_ can't bleed.

Then something they say catches my attention.

"I wonder where Hiei is?" Kurama says, sitting down at the table. "I sent him the message. He's gonna be late."

"I guess he's just busy," Yusuke replies, "He's probably still mad about that whole mission we made him go on."

"Yeah," Kuwabara adds, "But he'll be happy once he sees what we were doing while he was gone."

What are they talking about? I move closer to hover above them.

"Yeah," Kurama says, "He'll be very surprised."

"I can't wait to see his face," Yusuke says.

"Oh!" Kurama reaches for something behind him, "Would you two hang this up for me?"

"Sure." They moved to hang it, a banner, while Kurama tended to a cake in the kitchen.

Hiei moved to read the banner, then gasped and had to sit down when he read what it said.

"Happy Birthday Hiei."

--

That's all for now. Tragedy anyone?


	3. Twilight

**Twilight**

Another chapter...I didn't set out for this to be a running fic, but I guess it just grew into one. I am glad everyone who reviewed enjoyed it so far, and hope you continue to enjoy it. I appreciate the reviews greatly. Arigato, minna-san! –bows-

BTW, I would like to thank shuui-kun for pointing out that Hiei is OOC in this fic... You all probably figured that out by now...but... Kudos for pointing out I forgot to put it in the A/N.

Kurama and the others had grown more and more worried as the hours passed without an appearance from their dark friend. They talked about when they had last seen him, thinking it would give them a clue as to where Hiei was. But their discussion only worried them further. None of them had seen the youkai since the morning he returned from that fake mission- three days ago.

_Hiei...where are you? _Kurama was the most worried. Even if Hiei was mad at them, he would have showed up, if only for the chance to insult them or burn them. The fox was pacing a furrow in the carpet of the living room.

What was worse, though, was that he swore he kept seeing Hiei. Every time he looked out the window, he thought he saw Hiei. He could picture it in his mind, Hiei gazing broodingly out the window. Unable to resist, he looked at the window again. And again, he thought he caught a fleeting glimpse of a reflection. But when he blinked and looked again, it was gone.

Kurama sighed and turned to the kitchen. The food was cold and the cake was most likely all dried out in the oven. Kuwabara and Yusuke were again talking in the corner about the fire demon. They sounded worried. Kurama walked over and joined their discussion.

"I'm really starting to worry," Yusuke said, frowning. "This isn't like him."

"Yeah," Kuwabara agreed. "Not even the shrimp can hold a grudge this long."

"Let's go look for him," Kurama suggested. "This has gone on long enough."

"You're right," Yusuke said. "Let's split up."

Yusuke went to search the town. Hiei sometimes hid out in the tall, dark buildings there. Kuwabara went to Genkai's temple and grounds, where Hiei could often be found sleeping or visiting the Koorime. Kurama went to search the park, one of Hiei's favorite haunts.

Knowing that if anyone would be able to find the elusive demon, it would be he, Kurama carefully thought of all the places he knew Hiei liked inside the park, making a mental checklist for himself; ranking the myriad hiding spots in order of how often he had seen Hiei there.

Gathering a few seeds, mostly healing plants, he set out for the park. Luckily, the sun had long set and it was too dark for anyone to notice the silver fox with nine tails running through the streets towards the park. As he ran, he had time to think of what could have happened to his best friend. And with each step he took, he began to feel with increasing certainty that something terrible had happened to the small youkai.

Upon his arrival at the park, Kurama returned to his human form and extended his youki, looking for any sign of the fire demon's ki signature. _Nothing...?_ _But I'm sure he's here..._ Kurama started to look in all the places he had marked as "Hiei haunts."

_Maybe up that tree... Nothing..._

_By the exit...? _

_Here? By the fountains...? No..._

_There...in that clearing by the pond...no...Hiei...where are you?_

Kurama had only one more place to check; a small, isolated clearing surrounded by trees. It was completely hidden from view and a small stream ran through it. _Hiei...please be there...and...please, be okay..._

He commanded the trees to part, allowing him access to the glen. At first glance, Kurama didn't see or sense anything. _He's got to be here..._ The fox focused all his resources on tagging any trace of Hiei's youki. He stepped further into the clearing. _Damn...nothing..._

Kurama sighed, then turned to go to the designated meeting point. But just when he was about to leave, he felt a small brush of the fire demon's ki. He turned back around and followed the weak trail. _There..._ _He must have been masking it..._

In a small, dark nook of trees, Kurama spied a white starburst. His gaze moved down to Hiei's face; his eyes were closed. _He's sleeping..._

Kurama smiled, and knelt down next to him, "Hiei...wake up." He reached out to shake him gently, "Hiei."

Hiei didn't stir, just continued to sleep. _Persistent..._ "Hiei!" He shook the demon harder, grabbing both shoulders. Hiei slumped over into his arms, "Hiei!" Kurama moved the demon to look into his face, realizing that, rather than sleeping, he was unconscious. "Hiei, what's wrong!?"

He quickly scanned the demon for injuries and found...his wrists were slit?! He searched for Hiei's katana, which rested loosely in his grip, stained with dried blood. Kurama looked down at the ground to find it was also covered in dried blood. He cursed, that was why it was so hard to find his youki. It was just weak, not masked.

Kurama quickly checked his vitals- they were weak, but present- before picking him up. He raced back to his home, sending a mental message out to the others. He asked Kuwabara to bring Yukina, knowing if anyone could pull him back from death's door; she could.

He glanced down at the still form cradled in his arms. _What could have driven you to this...? _Thousands of possibilities and questions raced through his head, but he shook himself when he felt Hiei's ki drop slightly. _It doesn't matter right now...Hang on Hiei!!_

Hmm...I just couldn't bring myself to kill Hiei... Was this expected? Or surprising?

Oh well. All that's important is that someone liked it. But I hope everyone liked it. Please review!

Oh, and here's a reward for those of you who bother to read the stuff down here. For a hint on what will happen next, look up the **FULL **definition of the word "twilight." If you have beaten the fourth part of _.hack_ you can probably figure out what I am going to do... -sweat drop- Hopefully you haven't so you'll be surprised. Hee hee...

Ja mata, minna-sama!


	4. Revelation

**Revelation**

Another chapter for the fans! Here you go guys and gals. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, and since I'm pretty sure I forgot to do this, standard disclaimers apply to everything.

Kurama ran through the dark streets as fast as his burden would allow. In his arms rested the prone body of Hiei. Around the unconscious demon's slashed wrists were plants, checking the blood still oozing from the cuts. Kurama kept a slow, steady trickle of ki flowing to support the fire demon's diminishing levels.

The fox knew his plants wouldn't be enough to save Hiei's life- they were designed to assist natural healing, and the half-koorime barely had enough youki to support basic function, let alone start healing his wounds. Hiei needed to be healed by Yukina before he could start recovering his youki.

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Yukina joined him about a four blocks away from his house. The ningen was carrying the ice maiden in his arms in order to expedite their travel. The fox quickly informed them on the unconscious youkai's condition as he sprinted. Having to tell the others how weak his best friend was made him worry all the more. Kurama prayed that the fire demon could hold on long enough to get the help he so desperately needed. _Hiei...we're almost there...please hold on...don't die on us...please..._

Meanwhile, Hiei was floating around Kurama's home, poking at the "Happy Birthday" banner. He wondered where everyone had gone. He had been too shocked after hearing that all the things that had pushed him into killing himself had all been a ploy to surprise him, to listen to what they were saying before they ran out. If he had to guess, he would say they were looking for him, but they wouldn't like what they found if they did.

He floated over to the bathroom. As he had wandered during the hour or so that his friends had been gone, he had discovered that he could see his reflection in the mirrors, windows and other such reflective surfaces. He had also found that he could stop himself from passing through walls if he wanted to, as well as pick up certain objects if he concentrated enough. Stopping in front of the mirror, Hiei ran a hand through his hair. Nothing made sense to him anymore.

He thought he was doing the right thing when he slashed his wrists, but now he wasn't so sure. And now, even though he was dead, no one from the Reikai had come to retrieve his soul. More confusing though, was this reflection thing- he had never heard of anything spectral having a reflection before, let alone a spirit. Another thought struck him; if he was a spirit, then why didn't that carrot-top sense him?

_I just don't understand..._ he became absorbed in his thoughts as he tried to figure out just what the hell was going on.

The door slammed, jerking him from his deep concentration. He heard his friend's voices talking frantically, as well as the faint tink of tear gems hitting the carpeted floor. _What is Yukina doing here...?_ Curious, he drifted over to the living room, the source of the voices.

Everyone was gathered around the couch, blocking his view of what was disturbing them so. Raising an eyebrow, he floated above them to get a glimpse of this little oddity. _Now what do we have here....?_

He peered over the fox's head to see...Yukina healing an unconscious, but still breathing Hiei. _...What?! That's...me?!!_ He floated back until he hit the wall, then he slid down to sit on the floor. _I...I'm still...alive?_

Okay! Think Hiei could be anymore freaked out? I don't think so...

Please review!!


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